The history of climate change

As we all know, the climate never changed until Al Gore decided. So in this episode we take a look back at Al Gore’s invention of climate change and its prestigious inauguration.

It was in 1990 that Al decided to invent climate change, don’t confuse this with weather, that was invented by Michael Fish a year or two before. Previously Al had been bumming around the USA like any other college kid, his big break came when he substituted for Jimi Hendrix at the Woodstock festival in 1969. Al slipped into Jimi’s costume and with a bit of face makeup nobody noticed the difference. He did a very plausible rendition of ‘Star Spangled Banner’, just a few bum notes, but somewhere between Star Spangled Banner and ‘Purple Haze’ Al flipped into a meditative trance and invented the internet. He knew instinctively that it would be called ‘the information superhighway’, a catchy name that has stuck to this day, but more importantly it would revolutionise life on earth and who knows, maybe earn a few bucks. But first, Al would have to develop telekinetic powers to transfer this idea into the mind of a scientist. But at the back of his mind, his first instinct was with the American people, he would use his x-powers to oversee the Apollo space program first and then later maybe persuade Gorbachev to end the cold war. So the internet was put on hold even though vivid images of twitter, skype and whatsapp were still flashing through his mind. Al could see the future. He foresaw his first part-time job as vice-president in 1992 and knew he would have to turn his attention to the climate apocalypse before he started work.

Like all good promotional teams, Al had good people working in the background like Maurice Strong for example, these people unselfishly slave away without any of the fame. Things started to fall into place in 1990 while Al was away trying to create a world government and hypnotise other world leaders with ideas to reduce third world populations, the BBC decided to do a pilot series on BBC2 based on some of Al’s ideas. These were the days when the climate offically started to change, and who can forget the propaganda comedy of that decade. I remember the kids waking up frightened in the middle of the night and having to explain to them that they’ve only had a ‘climate model’, they’re not real, they’re just projections in the outer reaches of some imbecile’s fevered imagination. And who can forget their children coming home from school wanting to save the planet, wanting daddy to drop the little rascals off at school in the car and then go back home to get the cycle to go to work in eleven inches of snow.

Al played on and with his super x-powers still intact, foresaw the creation and collapse of the carbon markets and miraculously got his money in and out just in time. Now al has unleashed his acolytes upon the world and how they entertain us. Maybe Al’s work has finished. He still makes the occasional cameo appearance at climate alarm festivals but retirement is on the horizon. It’s a shame, he deserves a lot of credit but before he signs off he should clarify once and for all if it were he who played the guitar solo on the studio version of ‘Hotel California’.

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